it's been awhile...

I guess it's been awhile, and no one probably reads this anymore, which is just as well I guess...

The fact of the matter is basically, things suck. For all intents and purposes, I hate the rut I'm in now. I can't seem to find the motivation to do anything because doing anything only makes me feel more miserable than I am now. Work stinks, but not for the earlier reasons that they did before, but because of more human relations issues, the basic inability to understand / connect with someone, and to dislike someone so intensely that it's affecting every single facet of my work to the point where coming in every day is a chore, opinions and feedback aren't taken at all, and I've basically tuned out from everything that he says simply because I cannot bring myself to treat it as credible / professional / even believable. And when I think what I'm doing to myself at the same time, sabotaging everything I've tried so hard to force myself to accept, it makes me even more irritated with myself, and then with him, for simply existing and being such a pain in the ass and ruining everything with his idiocy and ineptness.

And even the one thing that I used to love for the joy that it brought me doesn't just cut it anymore. I feel bogged down, I don't feel the progress, I don't feel the excitement and the passion that I used to and all of a sudden, I'm wondering where it all went to. I feel stifled, hardpressed to bring about a change at a pace that I cannot agree with, and worst of all, to be compared all the time to one person that I cannot stand to begin with, it makes me feel sick that I'm being told to do things for my own good and nagged at continuously, but you're not doing anything either and just taking life and fate for granted. And sometimes I hate myself for being stupid, young and gullible, but not strong enough to ignore the irritation I feel for you. Worst of all, I hate the fact that I'm stuck in your horrible unaccomplished life through no one else's fault but my own, and I can't see how I can get out of it.

And trying to balance everything, with no bright spark to look forward to, it's simply draining. Again I want to get away and just drop everything.. But most of all I just want to tell u both to shove off and go get a life.

And yes, I'm just really tired of you you you and you too. And really, just bugger off and leave me alone. Please.

we're not bitchy, we're just eloquent...

xw, this is the reason why I love u so much...

--- o0o ---

xIaÖwEn says:

[manthu] - xw says we're not bitchy, we're just eloquent. says:

xIaÖwEn says:

[manthu] - xw says we're not bitchy, we're just eloquent. says:

xIaÖwEn says:

[manthu] - xw says we're not bitchy, we're just eloquent. says:

xIaÖwEn says:

[manthu] - xw says we're not bitchy, we're just eloquent. says:

xIaÖwEn - sam agrees that we're not bitchy, but just eloquent. says:

wild wild wet.

somehow it seems that whenever and wherever i travel to, it always has to rain. if it doesn't rain, it cyclones / hurricanes / floods and what not. talk about being a weather jinx. sigh.

flying off on tuesday again. i'm just praying this will be a good one and i'll get through it just fine. if not, someone's gonna be in a real nasty mood for some time when she's back on friday night. blehz.

i'm out. off to recuperate from the really long week that just passed. had enough work / drama for now... sigh. why can't some things just be abit more straightforward...

there's no business like showbusiness.

just saw the trailer of the new local movie DOTD, u know, the one that reads like some saturday night fever meet the karate kid kinda story? was honestly horrified at one of the trailers that I saw.  seems so unfortunate that for a movie that's obviously catered to a much wider international audience, JSL's perfect english seems so misplaced amongst that of the other 2 main characters, esp the local lass, whatever her name is. am just wondering when the local media company and other producers will finally realise never to include her in any english speaking roles in ANY movies, given that every other movie that i've seen her speaking english in is has been utterly atrocious. especially after her first hollywood attempt, u'd have thought someone up there might've had the sense to realise something sounded really wrong. and dun even get me started on how they think she might just be able to masquerade as a professional dancer here. hah. i'm just wishing someone would send her for proper language lessons or get her a proper dialogue coach once and for all, or never let her onto the big screen again. sheez.

n besides, i'd like to think we have better local talent to offer to hollywood than that...

on a happier note, GO CATCH IRON MAN! and do stay on after the trailers.. it's pretty much one of the better marvel adaptations to have hit the silver screen, which stays quite true to the original comic as well. so pls pls pls do go and catch it if you can, i can pretty much guarantee u'll enjoy it.

been quite tired recently due to the whole recent drama and turn of events in most aspects of my life - work, dance, family.. thank god the bf remains somewhat a constant (which is a good thing baby, so dun panic yea? ) kinda just need to rest for awhile, which i dun seem to be getting, much as i try, and even with the recent slew of off days, things just seem to be piling up. ah well. in any case, i'll update later about our trip to the zoo today amongst other things too, when i finally have the time or sth.. i'm out y'all, and remember to catch ironman!! heh.

when in doubt, turn to food

given the perpetual state of stress i'm in these days, can u honestly blame me for turning to food? especially chocolate, good ol sinful chocolate. in any case, as most of you can probably tell by now from my various nicks, yes, i'm on the search for THE definitive Black Forest Cake (i've given up on tiramisu. the best is still the one i make myself. hah.)

the search so far's been, well, so so. my ranking's so far's as follows below. if anyone has any recommendations, please please please do share them. n i dun mean stealing off the recent list of recommended cakes in the Sunday Times two weeks ago. if i get another recommendation for the one at mezza9 just coz it's on that list, i'll scream.

1. brandied cherry cake from awfully chocolate - by far the best blending of brandied cherries and chocolate cake, brandy's not too overwhelming, and well, you can't go wrong with chocolate cake from awfully chocolate (again reason why the list in the Sunday Times is unreliable. there wasn't a single mention of the cakes from awfully chocolate, which means, it's simply unrepresentative.)

2. foret noir from bakerzin - only gripe was that it was huge and tad too much cream. but still good nonetheless.

3. black forest cake from da paolo's gastronomia - overwhelming alcohol taste, had to split into two sittings coz it was way too strong. too much cream, and even the cake was soaked with alcohol. i'll stick to their tiramisu from now on...

so i've got one recommendation for a shop in amk, shall check that out if /when i'm in the area. if anyone else has any other recommendations, suggest now and save my sanity!